Let's go to my studies first, fortunately I did very well for my attachment. My kind-hearted boss scored me well, Alhamdullilah.
Some may take it like its a waste of time but for me no, I make new friends, friends that came from india and people who we taught that are poor but to me they are very rich with knowledge. Indeed they are very knowledgable in IT.
Looking at them actually make me realise how lucky I am to be having my life together with my family with me here. Like I dont go home without having my parents there.
Sometimes it isn't about them having quality time with you but knowing they are there already should enlightened us. We should be thankful enough,besides who else is there in our life besides our parents.
We all should learn to treasure what we have because we all tend to realise when its gone.
I count myself lucky knowing that some have to go thru so much hurdles and adapt to so much changes even when they don't enjoy them.
It feels like you're the only person going through so much and hoping for the days to goes by.
sometimes I feel that i'm here still taking things and opportunities for granted.
Over there,I too learned some things I may not even know, the littlest things that you know you can add on to your knowledge.
Moving on I'm about to start school in less than a week and I hope i'll do well this semester to have a better GPA to pull up my 1st year. Since I haven't been doing well apart for my attachment. And i'm still here figuring what to do for my presentation.
I'll probably getting my MBS schedule this month and again it's time to juggle school and work once again.
I hope mum could spare a thought for the little ones since I wont be picking up the qtiepie's from school anymore.
Alhamdulillah life has been good, much more happier than before even when I feel that I lost so much people in my life,I realise that what you need most is obvious, your family and next comes who makes your life happy. In general,I'm not specifically saying friends aren't important, they are but only the ones who stayed, the one who accepts you, the one who've been there.
Not the one who simply want to be happy around you. and left for something happier or the one who least appreciate what you did for them.
Maybe karma's a bitch on me for always prioritizing on the wrong people but I''m still thankful for having my partner to hold onto me and making sure I don't have to go through this on my own.
It's really upsetting sometimes,how you are good to people and it has always been you trying to please them or maybe showing a strong front each time.
Going on to love life, well I supposed I've been ranting on how caring& lovey my bf is to me.
Some may asked how sure you may go on with someone for long and in time to come,my answer will always be 'UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE, YOU"LL KNOW'
Again.it's where you heart brings you and how it feels.
I wish you're still here, I wish that we could still go cyclnig together.
I wish I could follow you everywhere again.
I remembered how much you'll try your best to get what I want even when you dont wisht to spoil me as a kid daddy. I remembered how we ran out of money out of electricity and you'll find a way for it. I remembered when we stayed homeless cause you fought with mom and you'll bring me along, only me. I miss you so much. I've grown so much daddy I beg you to come back and look at me.
knowing that the haze comes from indonesia itself.
I hope so much that you'll be safe, please send him back please help him get back here.
I do not know why It feels like I love you more when I use to not worry about who might be texting you calling you when i'm not around. The feeling just couldnt get any worse. I suddenly have trust issues. That's what I hate most when I get to attached with someone,I'll get afraid i'll lose them& I'll think so much about you hoping you'll always be by myside. I'm afraid I set too much freedom& i'm afraid I might be too hard on ya & both comes with its downfall.
Thats fr now.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Things may get worse and out of hands but may you be the candle that lights the world fr me.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Today I wake up realising what I became into. From one young quiet girl to one girl who's not afraid to face the world anymore. To stop letting people get in her way. To start fighting for her right. The night I cried fr you. The night I put my tears on the phone, on the road on my cheecks. It has never happened to anyone else. I never cried anywhere else outside to anyone. I didnt know how special you mean to me and how much I dont give a damn about how strong I've always wanted to be and show people how proud I manage to pull off. We've been thru so much, so much that I feel you are the one that brings who I really am. That brings out ever anger evrything that was all bottled up deep down my chest. Evrything that has ever happened to me. For what I remember I never pushed slapped a guy before neither do I get slapped from my ex/ex dates. It hurts me, but it too shows to stop all this. To stop pushing things to you. I know how much you've put
up a strong front fr me. To see my worst& yet seeing you standing before me is what I need throughout the time.
All I want is you. You to tell me anything/ evrything even it hurts me. I dont want to find out myself one day. I want to be that one understanding girl I was before but I dont want to lose myself for understanding anyone before me anymore. Again, i'm sorry. I hope you know the struggles i've been thru. And how much you played an important role in my life now.
Xoxo. I misss you.
Friday, January 11, 2013
This morning I felt different. I wish to apologise. I felt empty. I feel that I messed up. But I dont know If this is just temporary or feelings at the moment. I denied keep denying that I miss you& I'll be okay. Cause things takes time& I'll get on tracks.
Hasn't it been sometime since I last blog but today I really need this. I need to pen this down.
I'll make this short cusxz I cant bring myself to explain what i'm feeling.
Apart from leaving people for the best or for what I deserved. I've been cheated been lied been left been made use of. Because I realise I simply let people in my life. My mistake.
I'm sorry I had my attitude on you, I cant just bring myself to what happened. I've given you the trust the love the care the whole lot of time when you were around even when I dont call myself your own. It tears me apart that the fact that this time, I'm being so mean. So mean that I dont even care about the other party feelings. It tears me apart that I felt cheated again. Again again again. It tears me apart that I'm not myself anymore, I dont understand people anymore. Because whenever I did they give all the bullshit. I then realise why girls are so mean why girls gets angry easily. I know I've thrown so much attitude on you. It tears me apart that when I trust someone they always give me a reason to not too. The unconditional love I put up on put up for just so you can feel. But I just cant look at things the same way. I made up my mind cause I dont think i'll be able to make things better. To be strong enuf to recover the pain& bring back happiness. I'm making my distance cause I dont think i'll be happy, YOU'LL BE HAPPY. Cause I can never bring back myself I can never pretend evrything was fine, I can never put up my strong front I can never ever ever afford for another mistake to happen to me. Just so you know I'm doing this for the best, for the both of us. Either way I dont any of us to be unhappy. I sure am gonna miss you. I sure am. Cuszx you bring so much smiles so much happiness so much laughter. Things will take time but believe me you'll be fine you got my prayers.
I'm sorry i'm this mean, I've given so much to lose myself.